People ask me all the time, “what is your major?” and each time I reply with the same exact thing, “human relations with a minor in nonprofit organizations” and then they inevitably ask “what are you going to do with that?” or “how will you make money in a nonprofit?” and each time I reply “I’m not really sure what I want to do yet. I just want to help people”.
And then that’s that. Maybe I’ll throw in something about how I love to write and my major was journalism but I decided to change it because I just wanted to write out of enjoyment and not because I had to. Maybe I’ll tell them my ultimate dream about working for an organization called “Love Does”. But usually I just don’t go into details.
How could I even begin to go into details if I myself don’t even know the details? How am I supposed to tell you the trajectory of my life when I can’t even tell you what I’m having for breakfast tomorrow? Sometimes I get frustrated because I’ll find myself surrounded by people who seemingly without a doubt know exactly what they want to do with their lives. And it’s usually really ambitious and prestigious occupations like become a doctor or a lawyer or find the cure for cancer or become a dentist or a chemical engineer. They have every detail planned to a T. They will graduate in 4 years, get their masters, go to med school, get married by 25, have kids by 28, save the world by 30 and open a cute little bakery on the corner when they retire from their saving of the world. You get the point. And then there’s me. I just walk down the South Oval everyday wondering what I’m actually going to do with my life. I sit in class while my professor babbles on in Spanish and I stare at the chalkboard having back and forth conversations with God.
I wonder all the time why I don’t have a clear path in front of me. I wonder why I’ve never wanted to be a doctor, or save the world with justice or clean people’s’ teeth. So lately, I’ve been asking God what he’s made me to love. I think he’s all about using the things we love to propel us into our purpose. And I’m definitely still trying to find that purpose, but I’m being more attentive in doing so. So far, some of the things I’ve realized he’s made me uniquely to love are missions overseas (I could go on and on and on and on and on for years about how much my heart swells with love when I think of the 3rd world countries I’ve been to), families (I think they’re some of the best things life has to offer and my heart goes out to all the broken families), simply being there for people, and lastly, I really enjoy sharing my stories.
So I don’t really know what this means. Sometimes I tell myself I’m just going to go live in Haiti and love on Haitian babies, yesterday I told myself I should be a counselor, today I told myself I should help veterans because of the research I did for a paper, and tomorrow I may decide to become an inspirational speaker.
Who knows? Not me. I’ve found out that the more I plan out my life, the more God is like “hah, what u doin girl?” and I’m like “oh, yeah, You’re right. You’re plan>mine”. So I don’t think it’s such a bad thing that I don’t know yet. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that I don’t want to make millions of dollars and change the world in a big way. I just want to do what I love. And I know that has a lot to do with loving Jesus and loving His people. And for now, that is perfectly fine with me.
I don’t need to know all the details because I know very well the One who does.
But HEY, if you are one of those people that have a clear path in front of them, and want to be a doctor, or whatever, you rock. I am proud of you and I support you and I want you to know you are greatly needed. I’ll be cheering you on as I sit on the South Oval petting puppies while you’re studying things I can’t even dream of. Keep doin you!!!!